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Little bubble boy

  • bethnorth
  • Apr 9, 2017
  • 3 min read

I'm having a boy! From very early on in my pregnancy, I thought that I was having a boy. I was right! I'm ecstatic about it, and though I would be feeling love for my baby regardless, I feel closer to him since learning the sex.

I'm 20 weeks and thinking about the future a little more. Every month I go to the hospital for examinations and an ultrasound (yes I see my baby every month! I've been told I'm being spoilt). I have my wedding ceremony on the 16th of April. I'm going to Britain on the 5th of May. I'm leaving my job on the 14th of July. I'm having my baby on the 30th of August (presumably). My parents are coming to Japan on the 14th of October.

So much is happening. It's difficult to imagine it all unfolding. On top of all this, A LOT has happened recently.

Last week, I started getting serious pain in my stomach. I was woken up one morning with indescribable pain and I worried like crazy about it. It didn't last long. My doctor had already told me that I may feel some discomfort during my pregnancy, and it's not a big deal. I tried to forget about it.

I went to work and felt pain again. Do not take such pain lightly!! Seriously, my doctor had made me feel like I shouldn't bother the hospital too much, and I stupidly soaked that up. After discussing the pain with other people, I took the day off and went to the hospital. I had to wait for a long time, and then finally got examined. I was given medicine called Utemerin (a drug to prevent early labour).

I haven't had to take them since that day because I haven't had anymore pain, but it seriously freaked me out. After talking with the doctor at that clinic, I realised how important it was to check on my baby. The pain I described was a bit of a worry to the doctor (thankfully it hasn't happened again), but for me, at the time, I didn't really know what to think.

But it doesn't matter. Just go.

I've also been busy at work, and it's becoming very difficult. All I want to do is sleep. On top of this, I've had a pretty scary thing happen involving a student. I don't want to put too much on this blog, but it's made both me and my husband quite paranoid. Most likely, I'm the one who is taking it worse. I had to really build myself up for work on Saturday because I was so anxious about going.

I don't feel comfortable at work at all. I don't want to see this person, and I'm worried that I won't be supported by anyone there. (Maybe at some later date I can talk about this freely. I really want to! But now that I'm typing this I don't really know what I should say).

Today I slept and relaxed. I really needed to, but it meant scrapping plans. Now, of course, my brain is telling me that I am a terrible person and that no one will ever like me ever again. This must be the pregnancy hormone thingy, right? RIGHT? (because it's not like I was crazy and anxious before! Ha. Ha. Ha....)

Well, anyway, I really want to sleep on weekends because work exhausts me. I've been meeting with people in the mornings to look at second hand baby things, and at night, Kengo prepares media for our wedding party, which means no sleep until about 2am. I need rest! This also means I can't hang out easily...

I never realised how many of my plans revolved around alcohol until now. Ha! It's true though. I started my pregnancy by meeting people at bars and having juice and blah... but actually, it's really expensive. At many places, they're almost the same price as everything else. I also find it a little more tedious than it used to be. Of course, all my plans don't need to revolve around drinking, but it has dawned on me that if I want to do something different, I have to initiate it.

... but what do I want to do!? Nothing. I desperately want to sleep! And if any of my friends want to join me sleeping, then.. well that's weird.

Thankfully someone has recently reassured me about all these feelings. I'm allowed to feel this way. I should probably try to fix it. But right now please give me some time because I'm stressed out and want to live in lala land.

Here's my baby! :

 
 
 

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