Hopes, not resolutions

I don’t know why I chose this picture! 

This is my third time writing this, because I don’t have time to finish and I keep accidentally swiping away the app. 

Anyway

I don’t want to make concrete plans because I will not keep them. I made so many plans for the end of this year and I’ve hardly kept any of them. I guess the only one I kept was to have Finn (haaaaAaaaAAa) 

This is what I hope for 2018: 

1. Give Finn new experiences

Finn. As Finn. Ha. 

Finn goes out almost every day, but I don’t know if he really experiences a lot when he does. 

Weeks ago, I realized that he was hardly sleeping. I timed his sleep for one day and it was around 9-10 hours. Apparently that’s not enough, as a normal 2-3 month old would sleep 15~18 hours. I’m not too worried because he is pretty content, but I realized that he sleeps more when he observes more of his surroundings. 

I’m going to take him out of his carrier/stroller more often so he can look around, and even if I’m inside, I’m sure I can play with him some more. I already do because he’s always awake! But I can definitely figure something else out. 

There’s always the possibility he just doesn’t need the sleep and isn’t a very sleepy baby (I have no idea if that’s a thing lol maybe). I’ll just wait and see. 

2. Apply for our passports

There’s a lot to collect! 

I want to change my surname when I update my passport. I’ve heard some bad stories of people traveling home and having  to prove they’re the mother to their child, so I’d like to have the same surname as Finn. 

In Japan you can’t have a dual surname, so that’s out the window. 

Here’s a list of what I think I need. If it works, I’ll tell everyone about it! 

For my passport: 

Koseki Touhon (copy of the family register) 

Marriage certificate 

For Finn’s British passport:

Koseki Touhon 

My passport 

My birth certificate 

My parents’ certificates (copy)

Birth certificate from the hospital 

Husbands passport (copy)

I could be wrong... but I’ll get it right in the end! I need translations first, so I’m getting that sorted now. 

Middle names aren’t a thing in Japan. Because I’m applying for Finn’s British passport first, I can add a middle name (I’ve been told). If you apply for the Japanese one first, you might lose that opportunity. 

3. Get a job

Most likely teaching again... 

I need a job that will pay for Finn’s day care, or a weekend job. 

I had to quit my job, and because of an immeasurable amount of problems with my company, I really cannot go back. However, because I don’t have a job to go back to, it’s very difficult to apply for government day care. I can go private (though I still have no job right now so I don’t know how it works) but of course it’s expensive. Most English schools are open late, but day care gets even more expensive at night, so a daytime job it is.

Maybe ALT work would be good. I just don’t know until I apply :/

Worrying. Money is a real pain in the poor, poor, pooooor bum. 

4. Make goddamn sense

(Rock)

I.do.the.stupidest.shit

I want to make friends and I want to go back to work. The problem is, I make little to no sense. Seriously, I want to apologize to everyone I have met over the past 3 months. 

I say things I shouldn’t say because I have no filter. I spend all day with a baby. When Kengo gets home, I grunt at him and take a shower. Everything else is verbal diarrhea. I actually cringe at some things I say to people, but I’d rather just let it go and hope it’s forgotten about.

Also, I do the worst stuff by accident. Not just ‘oh she put the dog in the refrigerator’ kind of crap. I mean really-weird-socially-unacceptable-things. I recently blew a kiss at my brother during FaceTime because I forgot I wasn’t looking at Finn (WTF?) 

So, I’m sorry. I’ll try and get my head in the game. I’m embarrassed, and I just hope that people understand I have no idea what I’m doing. Even if I talk about Finn to other mums, I hope no one overthinks anything I say. I’m just drooling words. What I  really want is someone to say ‘I understand, that makes sense, you’re not alone’, but I know I’m talking gibberish, so I will do my best to do better there. 

5. Grow tougher skin

Beautiful picture! With a small, sad scar! 

Along with making no sense, I react unreasonably. I overreact. I cry.

I’m pretty sure this is normal for new mums, but I really never imagined myself to be like that as a mum. I want to do better. 

When I’m upset I turn to the internet. THIS is an issue. I definitely need to become stronger online. I am affected so badly by comments because, of course, the feelings attached to them are ambiguous - at best. 

For now, just to legitimize my online presence nowadays, here are my reasons for moaning and groaning:

• 
  

I don’t have other adults around me to talk to 

• 
  

my husband works so much that I hardly see him, and the most relaxing part of my day is the possibility of a shower 

• 
  

I just had a child in a foreign country, and the time difference between Japan and Britain isn’t great

• 
  

I pretty much lost my job and I freak out about money. The anxiety can alter my mood for the day 

• 
  

I sometimes go out to a shop with particularly talkative staff, knowing that I might be able to talk to someone. The sad.

The internet has become such a huge lifeline for me that I don’t know what I’d do without it. Before Finn, I wasn’t very vocal online. I didn’t have a blog. I posted jokes. Now I’m pleading people to meet me and asking for advice all the time. 

NOW - the good part.

My whole day is not moans and groans! I have a lovely little boy who makes my heart sing! He grins at me in the morning and I suddenly fall in love all over again. He poops on my legs and I don’t even care. 

I don’t need to post anything about that because I’m too busy enjoying my time with my boy. 

Ok. I just wrote a defense, and I already feel a bit tougher. I’ll refer people back to this later- maybe. 

To finish, it really is weird for me to be so talkative online. I dont even message friends so often because I don’t feel like I can express myself properly. In fact, I’ve always been wary of being misinterpreted online - probably because I’m so often misinterpreted in reality anyway. 

Yet here I am. In my house. With a baby and a laptop. 

6. Visit the UK

These are my mums sausage rolls.

I was gonna put a picture of the UK on here, but I guess I don’t have to, because we all love sausage rolls! 

I really want to take Finn back to the UK to visit his family. It’s expensive. It’s hard work. It’s time consuming.... but if I can, I will. 

I need all the help I can get with that. Someone go with me!!  

This is such a big hope. It’s a wish! 

Of course I want to bring Finn up to be a beautiful, healthy little boy. That goes without saying. 

So many things have happened in 2017 that didn’t really go to plan. Many other things went very well indeed! I guess I just don’t want 2018 to be a disaster. To be honest, I’d simply like to stay sane (haaaaaa but it’s true). 

Give me tips. Give me support. Give me podcast or TV recommendations. Give me all that stuff, please! 

#baby #nagoya #newmum #japan #Mumlife